You know the guy. He\'s like that hairy uncle you never wanted to touch. He's like Karl Marx . . . but slightly more sensual. He's the man you call when the kitchen sink is clogged up with corn flakes. The man who makes Peacocks despise their own appearance. He\'s the flour in your cake. The egg in your omelet. The letter 'T' in the word 'Tea.' He could wear a shirt made of lizards and no-one would care. He could eat garlic and drink his own urine before riding on a bus and breathing in a little man\'s face . . . and no-one would care. Jesus backwards is 'Susej' which almost rhymes with 'sausage' and I like sausages. I\'m a sausage kind of guy. A man of meat . . . just like Jesus. He had balls. He was the man. So come on, lets just sign this petition and bring Jesus back!

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