Johann Schiller said "It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons".

This perfectly describes the "new family" that has presented itself within our society in this new era. The "blended" family made up of "bonus" siblings, mothers, fathers and many other new additions to our families. With the divorce rate at a shocking 85% or so, it is no surprise that the family dynamics are changing - and with this, the structure of the 'nuclear' family and 'extended' family being rebuilt within each existing family in our society. This being the case there should be legislation in place that is updated and is capable of assisting this new family in guiding and protecting one another effectively without interference. We as 'bonus' parents should have the same rights as the biological parents do if we have invested time and energy into this new family. We should be able to participate wholly in the growth and development of our 'bonus' children, just as we are able to do so with our biological children.

As a ‘bonus parent’ of two children, myself I believe that this could potentially be a very positive thing! Like myself, there are many bonus parents in our society who are more positive influences on our future generation than some biological parents are. As a bonus parent, we are given the opportunity to assist bio parents in rearing these children. We are given additional responsibilities, take on a parental role and most often try harder to be good parents to these children than the bio parents do, as a result of being a ‘new addition’ to these children’s lives/families. We do everything that the bio parents do, yet have no rights in respect to making choices on their behalf. In some cases (like my own), the bio parent on the other side of the custody arrangement refuses communication with the bonus parent, refuses to acknowledge their opinions or role within the children’s lives. This causes greater conflict and undue hardship for the children, as they have recognized their bonus parent as a very important part of their life and don’t understand the other parent’s inability to do the same.

If there were legislation and a process similar to that of the OCL investigative process to assist bonus parents and their bonus families, one would think that it would make the custody cases just that much easier on the children. Were it all a part of the same process, it would be taken care of simultaneously and the children’s opinions would be taken into consideration throughout the process. This could even potentially eliminate the conflict and questioning of roles between bio parent and bonus parent in the children’s lives and ultimately benefit the children.

Obviously, if there were changes in legislation, there would be certain processes and procedures in place regarding these types of cases. There would have to be criteria that a bonus parent meet prior to being granted these rights – similar to those of a Foster parent or a person attempting to adopt a child would have to meet. Furthermore, there are several landmark cases where grandparents and other adults involved in the children’s lives have won custody of the children of a marriage, this being so, both bio parents have then lost their rights to these children. Which completely abolishes the argument that a “family” means “mom, dad and children”.

In closing, it is our belief that the majority of bonus parents in today's society bring their bonus children and new family very positive and healthy environment. They conciously choose to love, protect and assist children that are not their own biological children. They are to be commended for their efforts and have their rights recognized through the appropriate channels. Most bonus parents are a great and postive addition to a children's life. Considering that, more than 50% of families in today's society are made up of bonus parents and children, the legislation protecting both these children and their bonus parents should be seriously considered for many very legitimate and potentially very positive reasons.

Lynda Cameron
Brockville, Ontario

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