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Created by Hal D on April 16, 2005, 10:57 pm
discuss in forums
With the rising price of oil on the world market, it is now more than ever necessary that we drive toward the development and utilization of alternative sources of energy. While such options as wind, tidal, geothermal and solar power hold promise, it is imperative that we nonetheless pursue other possibilities, as well, if the post-industrialized state is to continue satisfying the ever growing expectations of the insatiable consumer population.

Where to look for alternate sources of energy? For micro-level solutions, we need look no further than to our species� own best friend. As is evident to all, there resides in our midst a vast parasitical canine population. A recent study by Vienna�s venerated Hunde Institute has shown that no other human-maintained animal population consumes such vast resources per capita while contributing so little in return. While some might suggest that dogs contribute back to society through such intangibles as �love� and �affection�, the canine behavioral project at the University of Warsaw has conclusively proven that these beasts feel no such emotions toward their human companions. Rather, the canine is conditioned to live its life in a state of unnatural dependence on man; and this dependence is cultivated through the patterns of expectation. In our modern society, these patterns of expectation are nothing short of parasitical in nature. Whereas it was the case that dogs once contributed significantly to human well-being (e.g. sled dogs, hunting dogs), today relatively few actually �earn� their keep. So, in the words of V. I. Lenin, what is to be done? What is to be done to remedy this problem of inefficiency and resource mis allocation? Simple: put these lazy beasts to some productive purpose.

A joint study recently conducted by the Hunde Institute and the University of Helsinki is instructive: DOGS = ELECTRICITY. My friends, at first glance, this might seem outlandish, but it�s quite true. The study concluded that a dog on a treadmill running at a rate of 5 miles per hour can generate enough electricity to run two 40 watt bulbs for a 1 hour period. No one is suggesting that the local dog pound should be converted into a power plant. The dogs in your local pound should, of course, be put to sleep so as to prevent any unnecessary expenditure of resources. But for the dog as household pet, who lounges about all day, eating, pooping, slobbering, etc., there is rich potential, indeed. Furthermore, the Hunde-Helsinki study has shown a benefit to the dog through such treadmill exercise: the overall health improvement afforded could allow your dog to live an additional 1.5 to 2 years (thus affording the owner/electricity consumer even more energy production).

WE THE UNDERSIGNED DEMAND THAT OUR NATIONAL LEGISLATURE MANDATE THAT HOUSEHOLD DOGS PROVIDE ONE AND A HALF HOURS OF TREADMILL SERVICE PER DAY in order to help maintain our ever-rising levels of energy consumption. The department/ministry of energy should work in conjunct with the private sector in developing a low-cost treadmill option, complete with standard power outlets for ready use. Portable treadmill options should also be explored so that man�s best friend can provide electricity at short notice in emergency situations.

Recognizing the unique and beneficial contributions of dogs in way of medical research and product testing (e.g. cosmetics, etc.), we hope that household dogs can also be put to productive use in our society. Sign below to make this world a better place.

           
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Petition Details

Share this Petition Target: Your national legislature & de
Category: Uncategorized
Total Signatures: 409
Signature Goal: 50,000

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Petition Signatures
409 Username33
2008-07-21 03:55:48
i do not support this petition if you want dogs to go on the treadmill, why wouldn't you want people to do that instead, there's no way i would make my dog do that, and she is not lazy at all
408 SIERRA
2008-07-11 14:45:47
WERE THE **** IS THIS GUYSO I CAN PUT A CAP IN HIS ASS AND THEN MAKE HIM RUN!!
407 SIERRA
2008-07-11 14:36:11
YOU *******!!YOU ARE A SICK SON OF A *****.DID THE ****ING DOG TURN ON THE LIGHT WHILE YOU WERENT HOME?YOU DONT KNOW **** AT ALL THEY DONT LOUNGE ALL****ING DAY YOU ******* .AND DOGS IN THE POUND SHOULDNT BE PUT TO SLEEP.I HOPE AND PRAY THAT YOU DIE AND GO TO HELL YOU SICK MUTHER****ING *******!!!! >:(
406 Anonymous
2007-11-10 09:43:51
OH. MY. GOD. SHUT THE HELL UP. Would you use PEOPLE to work on a treadmill for the rest of their life, underfed and tortured? Of course not. But retarded asses like you and every IDIOTIC person who signed this in favor of it (also *******s) think that since animals aren't human, we can do whatever we want to them. NO, WE CAN'T, YOU ASSES. I hope you die a slow, agonizing death caused by the next dog you try to attach to a treadmill.
405 DE Shawn
2007-10-29 13:16:57
IM LOOKING FOR A TREADMILL FOR MY TWO PITBULLS
404 dale
2007-08-24 16:12:20
I DO NOT SUPPORT THIS PETITION. THESE PEOPLE ARE IDIOTS !
403 hal d
2007-02-12 00:47:02
yeah, just checkin in folks.
402 Butch T Cougar
2006-11-27 23:06:01
these lazy dogs need to get off their butts and bring me some breakfast once in a while. make me some eggs.
401 Recalcitrant Rhino
2006-11-24 16:39:09
400 LC Kojak Slaphead III
2006-11-22 17:22:45
399 manigordo
2006-06-11 17:24:13
I support it, 'cause I hate arrogant ignorant cultist self righteous PETA mofos and the likes. I don't live in the US, but even in this god forsaken place there is a disrespectful 'our way is the only way' bunch of fanatics, AMA (www.amigosdelosanimales. org.gt).
398 Willy Wanker
2006-06-02 15:39:43
Recycle dog ****.
397 I hate Yorkies
2006-05-14 03:40:55
I have 5 Yorkies and all they do is piss and **** and bark. I say **** that. I will kill every last one of you. I agree put them to work or just kill them all. I hate dogs. **** my ****.
396 pup
2006-05-08 00:57:16
Why don't YOU stop wasting power by being on the computer? You seem like a person who spends all day online, thinking up stupid petition ideas. We tamed dogs from wolves. If we WANTED them to contribute something to society, then we wouldn't have DONE that! Besides of which, you're going to convice a dog lover to run thier pet ragged on a treadmill? I doubt it. This whole idea is outlandish and ridiculous. And as for those who are screaming curses at whatever, cut it out. You sound like idiots.
395 punkybrewster
2006-05-07 19:46:46
I don't support this petition, its mean and wrong.. dogs should not be used for this, its a waste dogs should be used for their loving ways, candle lit dinners.. sex on the beach, you know? Common sense people!
394 i hate petitions
2006-05-05 11:11:22
because i hate it but like signing stuff.
393 Bob
2006-05-03 21:52:36
I love the idea that a dog can trot in place and make my power bill go down. The dog has a job, is healthier and I pay less money to the oil companies that gouge our country. Man's best friend doing what he does best.
392 Rod
2006-05-02 02:27:52
**** PETA
391 ******* no1
2006-05-01 13:40:15
this is to "fuk u all *****es" hahaha you ****ing moron, you said you supported it at the beginning of your post, you ****ing idiot, i hope they make you eat the dogs overworked ****
390 father fritchburn
2006-05-01 10:02:28
becasue fat people can make electricity too and stop eating that fried chicken you lard ass pig. work for your power now !
389 fuk u all *****es
2006-04-29 23:05:02
this is fuked up!!!!do we buy dogs 2 enslave them?u guys r just 2 fuking lazy 2 do ur fuking jobs so u get ur animals 2 get ur fukin elecrticity!!!!!!u ppl who support this pettition r god dam fuked up *****ey *******s!!!!!ill fukin slit all ur mother fukin throats if u acually do it!!!!FU!!! FU!!! FU!!!FU!!!FU!!!FU!!!FU!!! FU!!!FU!!!FU!!!FU!!!FU!!! FU!!!FU!!!FU!!!FU!!!FU!!! FU!!!FU!!!FU!!!FU!!!FU!!! FU!!!
388 HUMAN RIGHTS for humans
2006-04-28 23:32:52
I support this petition.
387 TAX THESE MOTHER****ERS!!!!!!!!!
2006-04-28 22:57:19
I support this petition. ALL ANIMALS ARE LAZY ****ERS WHO AREN'T CONTRIBUTING ANYTHING IN TAXES! WHAT A BUNCH OF ****ING WELFARE CASES THESE ANIMALS ARE!! GET OFF THE DOLE YOU ****ING FREELOADING MUTTS!
386 hunter bennett
2006-04-28 22:53:31
I support this petition.
385 abby schopen
2006-04-28 22:52:41
I support this petition.
384 Lalagirl
2006-04-28 11:20:10
My boyfriend`s a lazy beast-can you help me strap him to a treadmill why do people always pick on animals we made them tame and have to depend on us-so now it`s our responsibility to look after them so think of another bright idea or get a life maybe?
383 your mothers other lover
2006-04-28 05:20:25
Get your own lazy ass off the computer chair and get on a tread mill. I think that fat people should be taxed for being fat. The only way to be fat is to eat too much. I hate seeing "help maury my five year is so fat she can't stand up" while flipping to another page and seeing vast amounts of people dying from malnutrition in sudan. i say if you want to help america and the world share your food you glutiness pigs.
382 arabknight0
2006-04-27 23:55:36
I don't support this petition. dogs are dogs. dogs shouldnt go in slavery. why? dogs shouldnt go on treadmills. that slavery. man learn.
381 THEN,EAT THEM,HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!
2006-04-27 00:26:27
I support this petition.
380 PUT "ALL" ANIMALS TO WORK AND TAX THE **** OUT OF THEIR ****ING ASSES ! ! ! !
2006-04-27 00:25:29
I support this petition.
379 it's about time...lazy dogs...TAX THEIR ASSES!!!!1
2006-04-27 00:16:26
I support this petition.
378 Random chick
2006-04-27 00:11:58
I do not support this petition! that is disgusting,lets see you get on a treadmill and make electricity!!!
377 Henryk Batuta
2006-04-26 16:57:30
Get down to work,dogs !!!
376 Matt19
2006-04-24 23:31:01
Well beilieve it or not dogs were not initially pets, they were wild animals that roamed the earth. It was man that domesticated them and bred them to be what we know as pets. So any problems or reasons they give you to consider them as pest is really our fault. Besides that dogs already play their part in the world. They guide the blind and really in a sense give them their eyes, they also help with praise worthy strong sense of smell, that includes helping in tracking down a scent, identifying a hidden body and even identifying if a person has skin cancer, as miraculous as it may seem. Jobs which they seem to enjoy on their part. For use them for electicity is not only a sick thought but sadistic. How can you literally enslave an animal after our ancestors bred them as pets to love them. If that wasnt the case they would still be in the wild doing what they do best. How much so would humans go and take polar bears or Lions out of the wild to introduce them to slavery. To the person who started the petition i give to you the the 'most pschotic animal cruelty award'. You deserve it you sad ****. Dogs arent greater than humans but they demand our respect, after all we are the one that introduced them to this laissez faire standard of living and giving them the title, mans best friend. Be on guard because karma is coming your way, I hope you get mauled to death by a pitbull you tried attaching to a treadmill.
375 dogs go wack for smakums
2006-04-24 15:05:50
I fauking do not suport this gay ass petition that is against mans best freind u sick ass phyco you make me sick i sure hope u get arrested for animal abuse i hope u get made to walk ur donut eating ******
374 TINA
2006-04-23 15:29:41
Your the 1 that needs to go on the treadmill! Animal testing in disgusting anyway. how would you like crap all over you ( if u already dont have it all over you) WE ARE THE ONES USING THE ELCTRICITY WE SHOULD WORK FOR IT. FAT PEOPLE SHOULD MAKE ELECTRICITY IF ANYTHING THEIR EATING ALL THE FOOD IN THE WORLD. DOGS DONT EVEN NEED ELECTRICITY! WHAT DID DOGS EVER DO TO YOU? PUT THE MURDERS AND RAPISTS ON THE TREADMILL YOU LOW-LIFE
373 Kira
2006-04-23 15:25:31
YOU PUT UR FAT SELF ON THE TREADMILL YOU OVER- WEIGHT BEAST. NOW THATS MAJOR ELECTRICITY THERE
372 Dana
2006-04-23 15:24:09
NO WAY. US HUMANS PUT DOGS THROUGH ENOUGH! PUPPY MILLS! ABUSE, ITS HORRBILE AND UR GOIN TO HELL
371 matt
2006-04-23 06:07:38
LMfao.
370 alexa
2006-04-20 14:27:20
I DONT support this petition. WHOEVER STARTED THIS PETITION IS AN EVIL, CLOSE-MINDED, LAZY, OVER-WEIGHT, ANIMAL ABUSER. THIS IS ABUSE, I WOULD LIKME TO SEE YOUR FAT ASSES RUN ON THAT TREADMILL, THE ANIMALS DIDNT WASTE ALL THE ELECTRIVITY, OUR FAT ASS HUMANS DID. SO MAKE THE HUMANS RUN! ****ING LAZY JERKS!
369 lily
2006-04-19 09:44:16
amy is a siily LITTLE girl. but she is right. your the biggest **** i know
368 amy
2006-04-19 09:37:27
wat da **** r u smoking! u crazy ass mother! ur sick 2 even think about doing this! y dnt ya get on da treadmill u lazy fat ****! get a life u sicko! ur mena love ur dogs not ****in make them work 4 ur own needs! get ur head sorted out!
367 lily
2006-04-19 09:29:49
DONT BE SO TIGHT U GIT! DOGS ARE PETS!!!!!! NOT BLEDY ELECTRICITY MAKERS. YOU GET OUT ON THE TREADMILL U FAT GIT!
366 Copper
2006-04-19 05:40:58
THE HELL. Go run on a tread mill yourself, damnit. And let the dogs use your energy to power their money making machine.
365 im bisexual
2006-04-18 21:15:57
im chopo the chopo and im **** im a ****ing retarded mexican that ****ing ****s young horses its fun try it u ****ing puto ****in dive perves
364 To person below
2006-04-16 03:59:23
"DANG" ohhh so hardcore...
363 ELIZABETH
2006-04-15 23:28:53
I WOULD NEVER SUPPORT THIS DANG STUPID THING, OH AND BY THE WAY YOU ARE SUCH A FREEKEN LOSER YOU DANGIDOT!!!!!!!!
362 !
2006-04-15 21:02:03
I support blacksundays comments on this petition!
361 blacksunday
2006-04-15 04:10:48
who do you think you are? stop speaking out of your arse, moron.
360 ******* no2
2006-04-14 02:48:02
hahahaha funny ****