With the rising price of oil on the world market, it is now more than ever necessary that we drive toward the development and utilization of alternative sources of energy. While such options as wind, tidal, geothermal and solar power hold promise, it is imperative that we nonetheless pursue other possibilities, as well, if the post-industrialized state is to continue satisfying the ever growing expectations of the insatiable consumer population.

Where to look for alternate sources of energy? For micro-level solutions, we need look no further than to our species� own best friend. As is evident to all, there resides in our midst a vast parasitical canine population. A recent study by Vienna�s venerated Hunde Institute has shown that no other human-maintained animal population consumes such vast resources per capita while contributing so little in return. While some might suggest that dogs contribute back to society through such intangibles as �love� and �affection�, the canine behavioral project at the University of Warsaw has conclusively proven that these beasts feel no such emotions toward their human companions. Rather, the canine is conditioned to live its life in a state of unnatural dependence on man; and this dependence is cultivated through the patterns of expectation. In our modern society, these patterns of expectation are nothing short of parasitical in nature. Whereas it was the case that dogs once contributed significantly to human well-being (e.g. sled dogs, hunting dogs), today relatively few actually �earn� their keep. So, in the words of V. I. Lenin, what is to be done? What is to be done to remedy this problem of inefficiency and resource mis allocation? Simple: put these lazy beasts to some productive purpose.

A joint study recently conducted by the Hunde Institute and the University of Helsinki is instructive: DOGS = ELECTRICITY. My friends, at first glance, this might seem outlandish, but it�s quite true. The study concluded that a dog on a treadmill running at a rate of 5 miles per hour can generate enough electricity to run two 40 watt bulbs for a 1 hour period. No one is suggesting that the local dog pound should be converted into a power plant. The dogs in your local pound should, of course, be put to sleep so as to prevent any unnecessary expenditure of resources. But for the dog as household pet, who lounges about all day, eating, pooping, slobbering, etc., there is rich potential, indeed. Furthermore, the Hunde-Helsinki study has shown a benefit to the dog through such treadmill exercise: the overall health improvement afforded could allow your dog to live an additional 1.5 to 2 years (thus affording the owner/electricity consumer even more energy production).

WE THE UNDERSIGNED DEMAND THAT OUR NATIONAL LEGISLATURE MANDATE THAT HOUSEHOLD DOGS PROVIDE ONE AND A HALF HOURS OF TREADMILL SERVICE PER DAY in order to help maintain our ever-rising levels of energy consumption. The department/ministry of energy should work in conjunct with the private sector in developing a low-cost treadmill option, complete with standard power outlets for ready use. Portable treadmill options should also be explored so that man�s best friend can provide electricity at short notice in emergency situations.

Recognizing the unique and beneficial contributions of dogs in way of medical research and product testing (e.g. cosmetics, etc.), we hope that household dogs can also be put to productive use in our society. Sign below to make this world a better place.

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