Whereas: Winning at football is good.

Whereas: Losing is bad.

Whereas: My entire self-worth and the health of my 'inner child' is dependent on the success of our football team (things haven't been going so great for me lately).

Whereas: Beating the H-E-doublehockeysticks out of Florida felt really good, especially the part about getting their coach fired.

Whereas: 'Tulane and ten' would've been a pretty embarassing nickname for this season.

Whereas: If we win our next 4 games we go to the Weedeater Bowl.

Therefore, be it resolved: that those of us who attest to this petition, do solemnly promise to do whatever it takes to help the Mississippi State Bulldogs win their remaining games.

This commitment includes:

flipping off the road signs that point to Oxford when driving on I-55;

making all donations to the Bulldog Club contingent on the 'Need more cowbell' skit from SNL being played on the JumboTron;

wearing the lethal combination of lucky clothes for each of the next 4 games (you know you've got 'em-- that hat you haven't worn since we beat Bama, those boxers you had on during the Ice Bowl and haven't washed since);

drinking legendary amounts of alcohol in pursuit of said wins;

staying in the stands (even past half-time);

painting our faces, our children, our pets, our houses, and our nether regions maroon on game-days;

wearing State football jerseys to church on Sunday mornings after a big win;

refusing to pay for airfare and tires for any and all current student-athletes;

saying prayers each night that God will smote the NCAA investigators and their ilk;

promising to never visit 'firecroom.com' or any such site if we fall on lean years;

never complaining that our band looks 'bush league' in t-shirts and shorts rather than uniforms like all the rest of the teams in the S.E.ofC.;

limiting the number of Ole Miss fans I hit with my cowbell this year to two in deference to their 'class';

never posting criticism (constructive or otherwise) on gene's page for fear of being labled 'not a real fan';

and doing all other things considered good 'ju-ju' for our football team.

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