I had the misfortune of interviewing Green Day some time back. What follows is the transcript. Here is the guide to identify who is who.

ME - That would be me. The interviewer.
BJ - That is Billy Joe Armstrong - chief whiner of the bunch.
MD - That's Mike - he plays bass, just not well.
TC - That's Tre Cool. He is really extra lame.

ME "So, how did the band form?"
BJ "Well, first off, my mother was a prostitute. One time she got arrested during the day. She was so ugly the police wouldn't touch her without rubber gloves. Nobody would. She made a lousy prostitute. Now I don't think she had leprosy, but I swear sometimes I found chunks of her skin in my soup."
ME "That's great, but it doesn't answer my question."
TC "Do you like my name? I mean, I think it's cool, and Billy likes it, but what does everyone else think?"
MD "We got together as a band because nobody else would jam with any of us. Or play with us. Or talk to us. Or look at us."
ME "Was that because you sucked so much?"
MD "Yeah, probably."
BJ "I think my mom formed this group. That whore."
ME "How many years were you together before the band became popular?"
BJ "Well, first off, I don't know."
ME "Uh, okay. Good. What was your first album?"
BJ "I forget."
ME "Doesn't matter. Were you all aware you sucked, or were you able to fool yourselves?"
TC "Wait, what do you mean? What are you saying? We're cool, right? I mean, my name is Tre Cool. That's a cool name, right?"
MD "Yeah, we knew. We always knew. Except Tre. He's not smart."
ME "I'm betting he coudln't figure out how to stand up by himself."
BJ "Leave him alone...he stopped peeing in his pants. He's doing good. Hey, do you have time to listen to me whine?"
ME "No."
BJ "Ahh, are you sure?"
ME "I'd rather carve out my own eyeballs."
BJ "My mom always has time to listen."
ME "That whore!"
BJ "Hey, what are you saying about my mom?"
ME "That she's a whore."
BJ "Oh, yeah, that's true. Cool."
TC "What? What? Did you say something to me?"
ME "For my last question, when will you shut up and go away?"
BJ "Well, first off, I don't know."
MD "I suppose when people stop buying our albums."
ME "I've never bought one of your albums."
BJ "Why not?"
ME "Because you suck."
BJ "Oh yeah. Good thinking."
ME "Well, thanks for wasting my time. I hope you all implode."

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