Hello,
I am a control hungry maniac and my aim is to rule the world.

I thought for ages on a way of sucessfully gaining control of the planet when i realised how i could do it, the answer was so obvious i couldn't believe i hadn't thought of it before!
I am going to steal the sun!
Think how much every one and everything depends on the sun! Our climate, energy resources, crops and even us! If i could steal the sun, i would be in control of EVERYTHING!

So the next problem i was faced with is how to do it. It took me months and months of careful thinking and a pocket calculator to finetune my strategy. What i will do is build a gigantic catapult, much like the childrens one with a piece of elastic stretched between a 'V'. The concept is simple and effective. The catapult will be built in the republic of Irland where I will buy 673 acres of land by blackmailing local farmers. the catapult itself will be 16 miles (Thats the same as 80 effile towers on top of each other) tall and leaning at an angle so that the load can be fired from South London, England. I will be using 4,726 feet of bungy for the elastic and the structure will be held together with 62,749,528 nails and 86 metric tonnes of timber offcuts from PineFresh Ltd. Timber Workshop in Slough. (i found all the nails in my dads shed)

Once I have built my sling (I hope to complete it by the second sunday in April next year) I will hurl a Ford Fiester out of the atmosphere with me sat in it. (I am using a Ford Fiester because it is extremly versitile and has a 5 star Europian N-cap safety rating so a trip into space should be no problem)I plan to leave earth for a week or two so i will pack plenty of potnoodles and a microwave, a pack of cards and my swimming kit. Once into space, I will land my Fiester on a passing commet and ride it towards the sun.

Once I reach the sun, i will use a fishing net to ensnare it. I know that the closer things are, the bigger they get and i have alowed for this. By my calculations, upclose, the sun should be no bigger then a basketball so i will use an extra large net to grab it with.

Once I have the sun in my possesion, I will take it back down to earth and hide it in my bedroom.

I expect one or two people will be unhappy about my "theaft" but no body has actually claimed the sun so technically it is not a crime. They will probably try to fight me, but i will tactfully deploy my army (thats where you guys come in) and fend them off.


So what i need you to do is sign my petition in order to join my army - once you have done that, wait till it all goes dark, then i will come for you. In the mean time I suggest you lifts some weights, run once a week, brush up on your marksmanship and learn to run in the dark.

Good luck soldier!

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