The Release of an Extended Version of House 7x01
Published October 14, 2010
We the people,
In the name of art and beauty,
For the combatting of moral censorship and the promotion of completeness of artistic vision,
Having regard to the considerable importance of the first few minutes of episode 7x01 in the show's emotional history,
Hereby respectfully express our profound wish for:
The release of an ONLINE EXTENDED VERSION of the opening scene of 7x01, in the hope that this will provide:
1. Rectification of the Great Bandage Inconsistency
The Great Bandage Inconsistency being, that at 00.01.35 min, Cuddy gently removes said bandage and is unable to replace it before getting carried away by passion. However, a new bandage mysteriously reappears at 00.03.37 min, in the middle of love-making, and then mysteriously disappears again at 00.03.56 min, thus giving the impression that proceedings were paused to get out of bed, replace the bandage, and then resumed in a Most Unromantic Fashion
We congratulate the House staff for continued support of NAMI, and would like to point out that the above inconsistency is of great concern for viewers with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
2. Recification of the unforeseen consequences of artistic ambition being restrained by Network Censorship, namely:
a) The abrupt, merciless removal of every single kiss, rampant editing making it seem like seven years of tension is released in kisses that could have been exchanged between Wilson and his Aunt Mabel.
b) The abrupt fade to black occurring at 03.45 min, presumably due to shortening of the clip, before there is an appropriate denoument of the piano music, rapidly followed by harsh daylight in a manner that does not allow the emotional impact of the scene to properly sink in.
c) We appreciate the great care with which the scene was filmed, acted and directed, the many hours of labour, careful choreography and coordinated nudity and regret that the result of such devotion to artistic boldness and emotional truth was the ironic consequence that the fully clothed hallucination scene of one year ago was more passionate and had greater impact because it was not subjected to disruptive editing by the network.
d) We are certain it was very fulfilling and interesting to film and direct, and a lot of fun for the crew, but what the viewers were presented with was merely a disjointed skeleton of quick shots due to too much editing.
3. Reintroduction, if possible, of clips appearing in aired promos but not in the actual episode
If you put a chocolate eclair in your shop window, one does not expect to purchase an empty pastry shell (although it is possible this is a form of Psychological Dieting popular among Californians)
WE NOTE THAT THERE HAS BEEN PRECEDENT:
1. The release, on the Fox website, of an extended version of the opening scene of Lucky Thirteen
2. The release, on early DVDs of House, of hilarious alternate takes
3. The release, in 2006, by the creator of Grey's Anatomy (a pitiful show of a similarly medical nature, inferior to House in the same way cheap beer is inferior to 20-year-old scotch), of an extended version of a pivotal relationship scene
4. The online release of an extended clip from a Bones episode featuring misteltoe in 2008
We the people, in the name of art and beauty, are willing to offer the FOLLOWING CONCESSIONS in exchange for said clip:
1. Putting our children, pets and grandmothers in Brizzly t-shirts and adding a #Brizzly tag to every single tweet for at least two weeks
2. Starting and fuelling a rumour in LA that Mr Yaitanes is a gentleman of uncommon generosity, intellect and sexual prowess and has been spotted lifting 80 kg weights at the gym, helping numerous old ladies across the street, and gently turning down Angelina Jolie's unsolicited request for a night of unbridled passion out of devotion to his wife
3. Continuing the Free Promotion and pestering of the friends, family and many, many cousins in our respective countries that has contributed to House becoming the most viewed show worldwide - we modestly remind The Powers That Be of our not inconsiderable role in giving online and offline word-of-mouth for House and nagging networks in our countries to pick up the show
4. Continuing the active voting and promotion of all House-related polls, articles and reviews and making the show and its beloved characters trending topics at regular intervals
5. Launching the Biggest Campaign of All Time to garner support for the People's Choice Awards
With our compliments to the Distinguished Director, Exquisite Actors and Excellent Producers, in support of the integrity of their work, completeness of their artistic vision and considerable efforts at creating emotional momentum, and regret at the latter being restricted by moral censorship,
Sincerely,
THE UNDERSIGNED
In the name of art and beauty,
For the combatting of moral censorship and the promotion of completeness of artistic vision,
Having regard to the considerable importance of the first few minutes of episode 7x01 in the show's emotional history,
Hereby respectfully express our profound wish for:
The release of an ONLINE EXTENDED VERSION of the opening scene of 7x01, in the hope that this will provide:
1. Rectification of the Great Bandage Inconsistency
The Great Bandage Inconsistency being, that at 00.01.35 min, Cuddy gently removes said bandage and is unable to replace it before getting carried away by passion. However, a new bandage mysteriously reappears at 00.03.37 min, in the middle of love-making, and then mysteriously disappears again at 00.03.56 min, thus giving the impression that proceedings were paused to get out of bed, replace the bandage, and then resumed in a Most Unromantic Fashion
We congratulate the House staff for continued support of NAMI, and would like to point out that the above inconsistency is of great concern for viewers with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
2. Recification of the unforeseen consequences of artistic ambition being restrained by Network Censorship, namely:
a) The abrupt, merciless removal of every single kiss, rampant editing making it seem like seven years of tension is released in kisses that could have been exchanged between Wilson and his Aunt Mabel.
b) The abrupt fade to black occurring at 03.45 min, presumably due to shortening of the clip, before there is an appropriate denoument of the piano music, rapidly followed by harsh daylight in a manner that does not allow the emotional impact of the scene to properly sink in.
c) We appreciate the great care with which the scene was filmed, acted and directed, the many hours of labour, careful choreography and coordinated nudity and regret that the result of such devotion to artistic boldness and emotional truth was the ironic consequence that the fully clothed hallucination scene of one year ago was more passionate and had greater impact because it was not subjected to disruptive editing by the network.
d) We are certain it was very fulfilling and interesting to film and direct, and a lot of fun for the crew, but what the viewers were presented with was merely a disjointed skeleton of quick shots due to too much editing.
3. Reintroduction, if possible, of clips appearing in aired promos but not in the actual episode
If you put a chocolate eclair in your shop window, one does not expect to purchase an empty pastry shell (although it is possible this is a form of Psychological Dieting popular among Californians)
WE NOTE THAT THERE HAS BEEN PRECEDENT:
1. The release, on the Fox website, of an extended version of the opening scene of Lucky Thirteen
2. The release, on early DVDs of House, of hilarious alternate takes
3. The release, in 2006, by the creator of Grey's Anatomy (a pitiful show of a similarly medical nature, inferior to House in the same way cheap beer is inferior to 20-year-old scotch), of an extended version of a pivotal relationship scene
4. The online release of an extended clip from a Bones episode featuring misteltoe in 2008
We the people, in the name of art and beauty, are willing to offer the FOLLOWING CONCESSIONS in exchange for said clip:
1. Putting our children, pets and grandmothers in Brizzly t-shirts and adding a #Brizzly tag to every single tweet for at least two weeks
2. Starting and fuelling a rumour in LA that Mr Yaitanes is a gentleman of uncommon generosity, intellect and sexual prowess and has been spotted lifting 80 kg weights at the gym, helping numerous old ladies across the street, and gently turning down Angelina Jolie's unsolicited request for a night of unbridled passion out of devotion to his wife
3. Continuing the Free Promotion and pestering of the friends, family and many, many cousins in our respective countries that has contributed to House becoming the most viewed show worldwide - we modestly remind The Powers That Be of our not inconsiderable role in giving online and offline word-of-mouth for House and nagging networks in our countries to pick up the show
4. Continuing the active voting and promotion of all House-related polls, articles and reviews and making the show and its beloved characters trending topics at regular intervals
5. Launching the Biggest Campaign of All Time to garner support for the People's Choice Awards
With our compliments to the Distinguished Director, Exquisite Actors and Excellent Producers, in support of the integrity of their work, completeness of their artistic vision and considerable efforts at creating emotional momentum, and regret at the latter being restricted by moral censorship,
Sincerely,
THE UNDERSIGNED
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