The following letter was emailed to Evan Williams, CEO of Twitter.com

____________________


Dear @ev,

I can call you @ev, right? I mean, that’s how I know you. I follow you on twitter. I think you were one of my first friends. I will admit that your attractiveness in your twitter icon only partially swayed me.

Enough ****ing up - I mean, unless it worked. Then by all means stop reading here. But if not, please continue.

I have spent literally DAYS of my time on twitter. Multiple times a day, I’m told by friends that I need to “chill out” and “don’t you have a life? GO THE **** OUTSIDE” Well, I did have a life, but twitter stole it from me. And regardless of twitter’s thievery, I still readily endorse it. I preach about twitter to friends, and recommend it to random people when they hear my David Lee Roth tone for my direct messages. It’s seriously the first question they - wait, no it’s the third question they ask, right behind “Was that David Lee Roth?” and “Seriously???”

Luckily for you, I have come up with the perfect solution that helps me spread the word of Twitter and will also satisfy my crack-like addiction to twitter: You can hire me on as your official Twitter Girl.

Yes, seriously. I know what you’re thinking, but I can easily answer that: I identify more with the “Girl” label than “Woman” because, quite honestly there is only one woman that deserves to me called such, and her name is Wonder Woman.

But back to me.

This position would be perfect for me, mainly because all of my twitter friends around the country hold tweetups and I can’t go because I’m seriously broke. I mean, I’m sure if I didn’t have this damned twitter addiction, I’d have a better chance of getting a job. But, that’s actually not as awesome as you’d think because if I got a job - like a REALLY REAL JOB - I wouldn’t tweet as much.

And then I wouldn’t be able to help you guys out by being your official Twitter Girl.

My duties would, as I see them, include such fantastical elements as blogging about the excessive time I spend tweeting, vlogging about the time I spend on my twitter, attending tweetups in both the US and UK and hitting up conventions to pass up twitter gear. I’m located in Dallas, Texas so I’m smack pretty much in the middle of the country - hitting up multiple tweetups and conventions won’t be too hard. Oh, and I’m only a 4 hr drive from Austin, so hitting SXSW for you guys come March is easily doable.

As far as uniforms go, I think I’ve settled on something pretty simple yet effective: medium-dark blue jeans with stars on the back pockets. Or, if it’s warm out - which, I’m in Texas, so that does happen a lot - then I’d opt for khaki cropped cargos. YES, I KNOW HOW FABULOUS THAT SOUNDS. And I think both would really go well with a dark blue twitter shirt

I mean, unless you already have a uniform planned. That’s cool with me. I’m pretty easy like that.

I’m open for negotiations on salary and benefits, as well as the great vacation package you’d want to pony up - I mean, think of all the twitter-spreading I could do in Australia! Wait, that sounds dirty. Twitter… Hyping? Yes. Twitter-hyping.

Thank you for your time and consideration. Tweet on!


Sincerely,

@Mia

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