This petition is meant for the mere purpose of taking back rights asserted to us by our founding fathers. Not by extending those rights, but by merely restricting those of us in this country that feels it is their "moral obligation" to stop a citizen from doing what they feel is immoral. The contradictions and hypocrisy created by those writing petitions and protesting is astounding. These "moral elitist" feel that imposing their skewed ethics on other people (for reasons of divine right or otherwise) should not be tolerated. By creating another form of control, these people, whom henceforth I shall be referring to as hippies, argue that moral ethics are being violated in some way, while imposing these "violated moral" on innocent people.

The said persons have no use for society as cited in this list (in no particular order)

1. Most hippies contribute in no way towards economic gains or to society as a whole.

2. Hippies create paradoxes; while complaining about moral issues violated, and laws that need to be abolished, they themselves restrict rights by imposing their views as right, and all other rational opinions wrong.

3. Hippies create useless suits that waste taxpayers money. (to include removing "In god we trust" on minted coins, pledge of allegiance, McDonalds made me fat, ect...)

4. Hippies try to implement forms of government that have long been proven obsolete.

5. Hippies kill little children and eat their parents. (don't impose my rights to free speech)

Solutions that should be lawful and put into effect after said quota of signatures (or living beings) feel that this hippie problem has gotten out of hand:

1. Any petition that violates my right to a steak, rib, or any other product/byproduct of meat will be henceforth burned, the writers sodomized by cows, and ran over with any and all "hybrid" or "environmentally free" vehicles said person has in their possession. If said hippie does not have a "hippie mobile" (as most don't since they're either fourteen, or poor) the government will provide vehicles to run over any and all persons said to have violated this rule.

2. All hippie books will be burned.

Book burning is fun, and since most hippies want anarchy anyways, why settle for just burning dogmatic books published by churches or any other religious establishment? Any and all books pertaining to an establishment of god or no god, shall be burned. Who needs to read anyways? I'd rather be warm.

3. Meetings and all hippie music*1, to include any and all music festivals are herby prohibited.

How many times have you went to a concert, and when you got there, the band you wanted to see is being introduced by low grade hippie bands? The should be a law mandated for any and all hippie band instruments to be replaced with automatic weapons. That way, when the band play, the audience, also hippies, will be filled to the brim with All-American lead. The band members, fueled by the despair that they were used as tools of war, will most likely commit suiced, or perform and kill more hippies. That way, everybody looses and I win.

4. Protesting is ban; nobody cares.

Why would anyone knowingly restrict intrastate commerce by establishing a protest or riot? Money is great for the economy; it buys me hamburgers, steak, and all of the gelatin and other animal byproducts I love.

Any and all protesters will be skewered in public, or thrown into coliseums where they will face man-eating midgets (properly engineered by the government out of stem cells of other inferior midgets) for the rest of the populations enjoyment. Ahh the irony, they came to cause chaos, but instead were pawned for entertainment purposes.

5. As for any other person/power restricting or impeding my right to impose structure and laws as I, the party carrying out said laws, will be dealt with by either a shotgun blast to the ovaries, or any other malicious torture/blow as I see fit. No exceptions.

The point of this petition (by those of you of whom did not read between the lines and pick out the poorly crafted satiristic statements) is that impeding moral boundaries between a society by those who feel it's wrong is insipid and inane. Complaining about violated rights is one thing, imposing rights is another. As a citizen, your right should be to enjoy your freedoms, not impose other laws; then complain about how worthless a society is with laws put into place to protect your freedoms. Just because you're old enough to vote doesn't mean you're any less of a moron.

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