My description of teddies........ Teddy bears are a species of vicious and deadly carnivores closely related to kittens. They live on a diet of hairballs, candy bars, and human penises. This fact led many parents to keep teddy bears in their daughters' rooms in order to avoid the presence of unwanted suitors. Modern teddy bears originated from the mutant ursine love-children of Teddy Roosevelt and an American Black Bear known only as Rosalita. Imbued with all of their father's presidential superpowers, these Teddy Bears, as they came to be known, mulitplied exponentially and went on to ravage much of the North American biosphere in an event now known as the Great Teddy Bear Takeover. Although heavy use of firebombs have largelly eradicated the teddy bear population in America, they have managed to spread throughout the world. They are especially problematic in that their unholy genetic structures cause them to mutate over time into different, even more sinister forms