http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/dogpower/ With the rising price of oil on the world market, it is now more than ever necessary that we drive toward the development and utilization of alternative sources of energy. While such options as wind, tidal, geothermal and solar power hold promise, it is imperative that we nonetheless pursue other possibilities, as well, if the post-industrialized state is to continue satisfying the ever growing expectations of the insatiable consumer population. Where to look for alternate sources of energy? For micro-level solutions, we need look no further than to our species� own best friend. As is evident to all, there resides in our midst a vast parasitical canine population. A recent study by Vienna�s venerated Hunde Institute has shown that no other human-maintained animal population consumes such vast resources per capita while contributing so little in return. While some might suggest that dogs contribute back to society through such intangibles as �love� and �affection�, the canine behavioral project at the University of Warsaw has conclusively proven that these beasts feel no such emotions toward their human companions. Rather, the canine is conditioned to live its life in a state of unnatural dependence on man; and this dependence is cultivated through the patterns of expectation. In our modern society, these patterns of expectation are nothing short of parasitical in nature. Whereas it was the case that dogs once contributed significantly to human well-being (e.g. sled dogs, hunting dogs), today relatively few actually �earn� their keep. So, in the words of V. I. Lenin, what is to be done? What is to be done to remedy this problem of inefficiency and resource mis allocation? Simple: put these lazy beasts to some productive purpose. A joint study recently conducted by the Hunde Institute and the University of Helsinki is instructive: DOGS = ELECTRICITY. My friends, at first glance, this might seem outlandish, but it�s quite true. The study concluded that a dog on a treadmill running at a rate of 5 miles per hour can generate enough electricity to run two 40 watt bulbs for a 1 hour period. No one is suggesting that the local dog pound should be converted into a power plant. The dogs in your local pound should, of course, be put to sleep so as to prevent any unnecessary expenditure of resources. But for the dog as household pet, who lounges about all day, eating, pooping, slobbering, etc., there is rich potential, indeed. Furthermore, the Hunde-Helsinki study has shown a benefit to the dog through such treadmill exercise: the overall health improvement afforded could allow your dog to live an additional 1.5 to 2 years (thus affording the owner/electricity consumer even more energy production). WE THE UNDERSIGNED DEMAND THAT OUR NATIONAL LEGISLATURE MANDATE THAT HOUSEHOLD DOGS PROVIDE ONE AND A HALF HOURS OF TREADMILL SERVICE PER DAY in order to help maintain our ever-rising levels of energy consumption. The department/ministry of energy should work in conjunct with the private sector in developing a low-cost treadmill option, complete with standard power outlets for ready use. Portable treadmill options should also be explored so that man�s best friend can provide electricity at short notice in emergency situations. Recognizing the unique and beneficial contributions of dogs in way of medical research and product testing (e.g. cosmetics, etc.), we hope that household dogs can also be put to productive use in our society. Sign below to make this world a better place. Sat, 16 Apr 2005 22:1:01 CDT en-us 3 http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/dogpower/#sig5953308 Wed, 31 Dec 1969 18:0:00 CST Whoa, this is soooo cool! Since my puppy grew up and became a non-cute dog, I\'ve been wanting to find a use for him. I tried to tie a tray to his back so that he could take drinks out to folks during a barbeque, but that backfired (stupid mut!). Hal D\'s plan would open new opportunities for pet-owners whose pets have lost the cuteness luster. But the treadmills should be waterproof because not all of us hav a double-wide. http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/dogpower/#sig5690984 Wed, 31 Dec 1969 18:0:00 CST I don\'t support this petition!!(see discussion form WTF #2 comment for more details) http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/dogpower/#sig5201757 Wed, 31 Dec 1969 18:0:00 CST I support this petition. http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/dogpower/#sig5195367 Wed, 31 Dec 1969 18:0:00 CST I support this petition. http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/dogpower/#sig4951397 Wed, 31 Dec 1969 18:0:00 CST I support this petition. http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/dogpower/#sig4645857 Wed, 31 Dec 1969 18:0:00 CST I support this petition. http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/dogpower/#sig4454996 Wed, 31 Dec 1969 18:0:00 CST I support this petition. http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/dogpower/#sig4342696 Wed, 31 Dec 1969 18:0:00 CST <size>1] </size> http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/dogpower/#sig4300317 Wed, 31 Dec 1969 18:0:00 CST o my god!!! this is why our world is so fucked up! because of lazy ass jerks like you who cant get a job so they want to blame it on someone else.why dont we start putting kids on tread meals while were at it and make themgo to work for us!!that way u can laze around all day and get fatter than u are right now!!what r u meantaly ill?!?u just want to torture another thing because u were abused as a child some how. FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU I HAVE NO PITTY.I HOPE U HAVE A NICE ETERNITY IN HELL U SON OF A BITCH. http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/dogpower/#sig4031080 Wed, 31 Dec 1969 18:0:00 CST i do not support this petition if you want dogs to go on the treadmill, why wouldn't you want people to do that instead, there's no way i would make my dog do that, and she is not lazy at all http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/dogpower/#sig4007365 Wed, 31 Dec 1969 18:0:00 CST WERE THE FUCK IS THIS GUYSO I CAN PUT A CAP IN HIS ASS AND THEN MAKE HIM RUN!! http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/dogpower/#sig4007348 Wed, 31 Dec 1969 18:0:00 CST YOU ASSHOLE!!YOU ARE A SICK SON OF A BITCH.DID THE FUCKING DOG TURN ON THE LIGHT WHILE YOU WERENT HOME?YOU DONT KNOW SHIT AT ALL THEY DONT LOUNGE ALLFUCKING DAY YOU ASSHOLE .AND DOGS IN THE POUND SHOULDNT BE PUT TO SLEEP.I HOPE AND PRAY THAT YOU DIE AND GO TO HELL YOU SICK MUTHERFUCKING BASTARD!!!! >:( http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/dogpower/#sig3767418 Wed, 31 Dec 1969 18:0:00 CST OH. MY. GOD. SHUT THE HELL UP. Would you use PEOPLE to work on a treadmill for the rest of their life, underfed and tortured? Of course not. But retarded asses like you and every IDIOTIC person who signed this in favor of it (also assholes) think that since animals aren't human, we can do whatever we want to them. NO, WE CAN'T, YOU ASSES. I hope you die a slow, agonizing death caused by the next dog you try to attach to a treadmill. http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/dogpower/#sig3751488 Wed, 31 Dec 1969 18:0:00 CST IM LOOKING FOR A TREADMILL FOR MY TWO PITBULLS http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/dogpower/#sig3646900 Wed, 31 Dec 1969 18:0:00 CST I DO NOT SUPPORT THIS PETITION. THESE PEOPLE ARE IDIOTS ! http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/dogpower/#sig3056997 Wed, 31 Dec 1969 18:0:00 CST yeah, just checkin in folks. http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/dogpower/#sig2846336 Wed, 31 Dec 1969 18:0:00 CST these lazy dogs need to get off their butts and bring me some breakfast once in a while. make me some eggs. http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/dogpower/#sig2830681 Wed, 31 Dec 1969 18:0:00 CST http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/dogpower/#sig2823407 Wed, 31 Dec 1969 18:0:00 CST http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/dogpower/#sig2458085 Wed, 31 Dec 1969 18:0:00 CST lol this is a good idea. it would make tree huggers and peta fight eachother and kill them both off.